Au Pair Pay Negotiations: A Guide to Salary and Benefits

Becoming an au pair in the United States is an exciting opportunity to experience life in a new country, immerse yourself in a different culture, and build meaningful connections with your host family and others you meet along the way. It’s a rewarding experience, but there are also some practical considerations you’ll need to navigate, including negotiating your au pair pay. 

Discussions about money can be challenging, especially when cultural differences come into play. What may be considered normal or polite in your home country might come across differently to a U.S. host family, potentially leading to misunderstandings or missed opportunities. In this guide, we’ll help you understand everything you need to know about au pair pay and salary negotiations, including: 

1. The standard au pair stipend earned in the U.S. 
2. How you can earn a higher stipend through AuPairCare
3. How to negotiate your au pair stipend with your host family 
4. How to talk about au pair pay during job interviews 
5. How to become an au pair in the United States with AuPairCare

At AuPairCare, we’ve successfully placed over 100,000 au pairs with host families in the United States. When you choose AuPairCare, you’ll earn a higher minimum weekly stipend than most agencies. What’s more, we also provide our au pairs with next-level in-person support throughout their program, with our local Area Directors ensuring you have a safe, successful au pair experience. 

Read on to learn more about au pair pay negotiations, or take the first step in this life-changing journey by starting your AuPairCare application here!

What Is Au Pair Pay?

Unlike traditional jobs, au pair compensation is unique—it includes both monetary and non-monetary benefits designed to support you during your stay. Knowing how it works will help you evaluate offers from potential host families and ensure you are prepared to negotiate if needed.

Standard Stipends in the U.S.

The U.S. Department of State regulates the au pair program, including the minimum weekly stipend that host families must provide. As of 2025, au pairs are guaranteed a minimum weekly stipend of $195.75 for up to 45 hours of childcare per week. This stipend is calculated based on federal minimum wage requirements, with a portion of the au pair's room and board deducted. 

The arrangement ensures that au pairs receive fair compensation while also enjoying the significant financial relief of free housing and meals provided by their host family. However, it’s important to note that this is the minimum rate, and some families may offer more depending on their budget, location, or specific childcare needs. 

Interested in finding out how much you can earn? Check out our au pair salary calculator.

Earn a Higher Stipend With AuPairCare

If you’re looking to maximize your earning potential, working with AuPairCare can open up opportunities for higher pay. While the minimum weekly stipend is $195.75, AuPairCare au pairs earn a stipend of at least $215 per week. Over the course of a year, this extra pay really adds up!

Other Financial Considerations

As well as your au pair salary, being an au pair comes with other financial perks that enhance your overall compensation. Host families in the United States are required to contribute up to $500 per year toward your education. This benefit enables you to enroll in courses at local colleges or universities, adding value to your cultural exchange experience.

Many families also assist with or cover the cost of local transportation, such as public transit passes or the use of a family car for personal errands and travel. And of course, free housing and meals significantly reduce your living expenses, enabling you to save more of your weekly stipend.

Is There Room for Au Pair Pay Negotiations?

When considering becoming an au pair in America, you may wonder if it’s possible to negotiate for higher pay or additional benefits. There is room for negotiation in some cases, but the key lies in understanding what motivates host families to offer more than the standard stipend. Approaching these discussions with sensitivity, cultural awareness, and professionalism can increase your chances of reaching an agreement that works for both you and the family.

Why Some Families May Be Willing to Pay More

While the U.S. Department of State sets the minimum stipend for au pairs, some host families voluntarily exceed this baseline for various reasons. For example, families in destinations with a high cost of living, such as New York City, Los Angeles, or San Francisco, may recognize that the standard stipend doesn’t stretch as far. To attract and retain an au pair, they may offer a higher weekly pay rate or additional benefits like transportation allowances.

Also, some au pairs bring unique qualifications to the role, such as:

• Prior experience with infants
• Knowledge of a second language
• Certifications like CPR and first aid

If you possess these traits or qualifications, families may see added value in hiring you. One of our tips for getting host family interviews is to make sure these skills are stated on your resume and AuPairCare profile. Also, if you highlight your qualifications during host family interviews, it can make a stronger case for increased pay.

Families with more complex situations, like multiple children, demanding schedules, or children with special needs may require an au pair who can handle more responsibility. In these cases, they might be willing to compensate you above the standard rate to reflect the additional work. By understanding what motivates families to offer more, you can identify opportunities to advocate for yourself effectively. 

Why Cross-Cultural Negotiations Can Be Tricky

Negotiating au pair pay and benefits can be challenging, especially when cultural differences shape communication styles, expectations, and perceptions. What seems like a straightforward conversation in your home country may feel awkward or even inappropriate to a host family in the U.S. 

Understanding Cultural Norms

Cultural norms heavily influence how people view money and negotiations. In some cultures, openly discussing pay or asking for more might be expected and even encouraged, while in others, it could be considered impolite or aggressive. If you want to be an au pair in the United States with AuPairCare, it’s important to recognize these differences when negotiating with a U.S. host family.

For example:

• Direct vs. indirect communication: In the U.S., families may appreciate clear and direct communication, but it’s important to balance this with politeness and tact. Being overly assertive might come across as demanding, while being too passive could make you seem uninterested or unsure.
• Attitudes toward money: In some cultures, talking about money is considered a private matter. Host families might feel uncomfortable if the conversation starts with demands for higher pay instead of a broader discussion about mutual expectations.
• Hierarchy and equality: Many American families value equality and may view their au pair as part of the family. Approaching negotiations with a collaborative mindset, rather than a transactional one, can help build trust and rapport.

By understanding these cultural nuances, you can adjust your approach to make the conversation feel more natural and productive.

Expectations From Host Families

Host families also have their own expectations and limitations, which are shaped by cultural and practical factors. While you might be focusing on negotiating a higher salary, your host family might be thinking about: 

• Budget constraints: Many families have a set budget for au pair expenses, including the stipend, educational allowance, and other benefits. While some may be flexible, others might have little room to increase pay. 
• Focus on compatibility: Host families often prioritize finding an au pair who will integrate well into their household and care for their children lovingly. Overemphasizing pay during the interview might signal that you’re more focused on the financial aspect than the cultural exchange or childcare responsibilities.
• Reliability and enthusiasm: Families value au pairs who are reliable, flexible, and genuinely excited about the role. Showing these qualities during your conversation can make a family more willing to negotiate a higher stipend with you.

When you understand the family’s perspective, you can approach negotiations with empathy and professionalism. Remember, choosing your host family shouldn’t come down to the stipend alone—it’s more important to find a family that suits your values, goals, and experience. 

How to Prepare for Au Pair Pay Negotiations

The key to successful negotiations lies in preparation—knowing what to expect, understanding your own goals, and approaching the conversation respectfully. When you’re well-prepared, you’re more likely to negotiate confidently while maintaining a positive relationship with your potential host family. Here’s what to do before you jump into au pair pay negotiations with your host family. 

Do Your Research

Knowledge is power when it comes to negotiations. Before discussing pay and benefits, make sure you’re informed about what’s standard and reasonable for au pairs in the U.S. Being well-informed allows you to approach the conversation with realistic expectations and shows your professionalism and maturity.

Also, take the time to research the cost of living in the family’s location—it can vary significantly from state to state. For example, families in high-cost cities like San Francisco or New York might offer a stipend that’s higher than the $195.75 weekly minimum to reflect local expenses. 

Clarify Your Priorities

Before entering negotiations, take time to reflect on what matters most to you. This will help you focus on the aspects of the compensation package that align with your goals and values. While the weekly stipend is important, remember to consider other perks such as the educational allowance, transportation support, or other benefits the family may be able to offer. What’s important to you?

Also, think about your work-life balance and how factors like working hours, flexibility, and time off will impact your experience. If these are priorities, they might be worth discussing alongside pay. By clarifying your priorities, you’ll have a better sense of what to advocate for as you negotiate with potential host families.

How to Talk About Au Pair Pay During Interviews

Discussing au pair pay during interviews can be nerve-wracking. It’s a delicate balance between advocating for yourself and maintaining a friendly, collaborative tone. How you approach the conversation can set the stage for a positive relationship with your host family, or create misunderstandings that could derail your placement. 

Starting the Conversation

Introducing the topic of pay can feel awkward, but it’s an important part of the interview process. The key is to approach it naturally and at the right time. Here are some tips to help you out: 

• Wait for the right moment: Let the host family lead the conversation about compensation. If it doesn’t come up, bring it up toward the end of the interview after discussing childcare responsibilities and expectations. 
• Lead in naturally: For example, you might say, “I’d love to learn more about the stipend and benefits you’re offering to make sure we’re on the same page.”
• Be informed: Demonstrate that you’ve done your homework. If necessary, mention the standard weekly stipend set by the U.S. Department of State and show that you understand the basic framework and au pair program details. 
• Focus on mutual benefits: Frame the conversation as a way to ensure a positive experience for both parties. For instance, you could say, “I want to make sure we’re aligned on all aspects of the arrangement to create a great experience for your family and me.”

Host families are happy to discuss the stipend with you, but starting the conversation professionally, respectfully, and at the right moment can make a big difference to the negotiation process. 

Expressing Flexibility

Flexibility is key when negotiating pay with host families. Showing that you’re open to compromise can make families feel more comfortable and willing to work with you. You can do this by following these interview tops for au pairs: 

• Highlighting your willingness to adapt: Let the family know that you’re open to discussing options beyond just pay. For example, you might say, “I’m happy to explore different ways we can create a fair and balanced arrangement.”
• Discussing non-monetary benefits: If the family is unable to offer a higher stipend, you can politely ask about other perks like additional time off, paid transport expenses, or increased educational support. These can add significant value to your experience without requiring a higher weekly payment.
• Balancing confidence with gratitude: While it’s important to advocate for yourself, always express gratitude for the opportunity to work with the family. A simple “Thank you for considering my request” can go a long way in maintaining goodwill.

Flexibility shows families that you’re focused on building a strong partnership, not just financial gain, which is something that most host families really value. 

Practicing Cultural Sensitivity

Cross-cultural negotiations require sensitivity and respect for the other party’s perspective. Americans generally value direct but polite communication. Be clear about what you’re asking for, but frame your requests in a way that emphasizes collaboration. For example, instead of saying, “I need a higher stipend,” try, “Would it be possible to discuss a slightly higher stipend to reflect my experience?”

Avoiding Common Negotiation Mistakes

Certain missteps can unintentionally damage your rapport with potential host families. Knowing what to avoid can help you navigate the conversation more effectively. Keep these tips in mind: 

• Don’t start with demands: Jumping straight into pay discussions without first building a connection with the family can come across as impersonal or overly focused on money. Start by discussing shared goals and childcare responsibilities.
• Avoid comparing offers: Mentioning what other families have offered you can make your potential host family feel uncomfortable or undervalued. Focus instead on the specific arrangement you’re discussing with them.
• Stay professional: Even if the conversation feels casual, remember that this is a professional agreement. Avoid using overly emotional language or pressuring the family for an immediate answer.

How to Become an Au Pair with AuPairCare

AuPairCare au pairs earn a weekly stipend that’s significantly higher than the minimum set by the U.S. Department of State, but there are many other program benefits that come from working with us. With AuPairCare, you’ll have: 

• Defined contractual duties and working hours
• A 12-month placement with the opportunity to extend for another 12 months
• Access to our exclusive orientation event, AuPairCare Connect in New York City
• Dedicated local Area Directors to support you every step of the journey
• 1 month of optional travel in the USA after successful end of the program
• Tuition fees for up to $500 for college courses (6 Credits or 60 hours)
• Comprehensive training and support with our AuPairCare Virtual Academy
• Flexible, paid flights to the U.S. and back to your home country
• J-1 au pair visa support, including the cost of your DS-2019 form and SEVIS fee
• Monthly au pair social events
• 24/7 emergency assistance and regular check-ins

Plus, we carefully select, screen, and interview all our host families to ensure your well-being. At AuPairCare, your safety is our number one priority, and we do everything we can to make sure you have the best possible experience as an au pair. Ready to get started? Complete your AuPairCare application here!

Negotiate Your Au Pair Pay the Right Way!

Negotiating your au pair pay is an important step in creating a successful experience for both you and your host family, but you need to go about it carefully. Remember to always keep your conversations respectful and professional, and don’t make any demands or jump into stipend negotiations at the beginning of your interview. 

Ultimately, your time as an au pair is about so much more than earning a stipend. It’s a unique opportunity to live in a new country, experience a unique culture, develop lifelong skills, and build lasting friendships and connections. Plus, with AuPairCare, you’ll have all the support you need, every step of the way. 

Don’t miss this life-changing opportunity—start your AuPairCare application today!

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The U.S. Department of State calculation of the minimum weekly stipend is based on the federal minimum wage with a 40% deduction for room and board in exchange for childcare services. AuPairCare minimum weekly stipend is $215 per week which is higher than the U.S. Department of State minimum. Host families and au pairs are free to agree to a weekly stipend even higher than the $215 per week minimum.

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